At some point I believe that everyone feels they are in a balancing act...and if you're lucky when you do fall it will be hard enough to knock some sense into you. That being the case, I'm very lucky!
Between moving three times in a year, living apart from my husband for most of it, growing babies, growing my business, Sweet Cheeks, and trying to be a good wife and mother...well --- I was WAY out of balance.
We were rushing every morning and night, I was absolutely not eating healthily, not exercising, not ever praying and - obviously - not writing. Well - not writing anything but near constant texts or Facebook statuses and comments from my phone while I was on the go. Conversations beyond a sentence were a thing of fantasy.
So what did I do when things to help when I realized things were reaching this boiling point? Yoga? Long walks? Regular church attendance? No- I joined an exercise program called "Kick Your Booty Boot Camp." Because my booty needed anymore kicking - right? Yeah, well - God steps in when you're an idiot, Thank Him.
My first day of boot camp I was really into it. While AJ, a wonderful man and trainer by all accounts, was leading everyone with prayer and "
1-2-3-4-come on and count!" I was thinking "
1! 2! 3! Bi-kin-i! If it hurts, think Mini-skirt!" "look 30 by 40!" and the like. These are not self-loving thoughts about building strength and a whole life. This was VAIN. And in the middle of a simple oblique exercise...I got my wake-up call. Standing on my right leg and pulling my left knee to my left elbow I was gettin' it...and my right knee simply exploded.
After I desecrated the park with sailor-like profanity I realized that something really, really bad had happened...I heard pops and saw white bubbles in black space as I went down. I didn't hit my knee, I hit my nicely cushioned hip on the way down. After being carried like a feather to my dear friend's car and handed off to my husband at his office we headed to the ER. While we were waiting we got a return call from the orthopedic surgeon and headed straight there. An x-ray showed a piece of bone floating around and he ordered an MRI a few days later and sent me home with an immobilizer and pain pills. Husband took me to my mom's. I can honestly say I've never been in so much pain, and I've had three c-sections. I didn't go to the bathroom for 18 hours because it simply hurt too much to get up.
Later the MRI would show that my kneecap dislocated so violently that a good chunk of it was shattered against my femur and took a chunk out of it, too. After surgery the surgeon said he'd never seen so much damage from a dislocation...and he's done a whole lot of knees. There were at least 28 pieces of bone chips floating around and embedded in places things don't need to be embedded. Repair of the patella and femur weren't an option and we are praying they cover themselves with [some special kind of cartilage I was too doped up to remember] and the torn tendons (which were described as "crab meat" by the Dr.) have knitted by this Thursday when I go back.
I haven't stepped on my foot in over a month. I've been confined to my house about 99% of that time. In a wheelchair some, but mostly in my bed. When an extrovert like me is this isolated two things happen: 1. she posts constantly on facebook and 2. she's forced to look inward.
On the plus side, I've caught up on
school and passed my third of 4 certification tests. I've worked with my dear cousin to get the
website for Sweet Cheeks almost finished and done a lot of the infrastructure work that really needed doing. I've ordered a lot of essential oils to play with and lined up some great guest bloggers and consultants for The Sweet Life. This is all great, but not at all the real blessing in this. The fact that I am talking about it first shows I've got some work to do.
I've been able to do a whole lot of thinking that the rat race had prevented. Most of it has been positive, but there have been moments of dark self discovery and damnation that rival anything this chick has ever seen. I've opened doors in my head I'd kept firmly closed and sealed with cement. I've cleaned skeletons out of closets and given proper burials to long-neglected corpses. And I'm still doing it.
Debbie Ford says to embrace your dark side...that it's just as important as your light side to who you are as a whole person. I'm going there...with balance.
Holding me aloft are my amazing husband who has taken on a load that rivals Atlas', blessed time with my kids, rest for the first time in 8 years and an inability to distract myself from this process...
It's time to return to myself. I thank God for this broken knee - blessings come in many disguises. And nothing that is out of balance is sustainable.
